Funeral and Memorial Planning for an Infant

Planning your child’s funeral is something that no parent ever expects to face. No matter who you are, planning a funeral or memorial service for a baby is one of the most difficult things you'll ever do.

When planning a service for the baby, the ceremony should aim to achieve these three main things:

• The significance of the loss. Talk about the pain, and how difficult it's going to be to survive the loss.
• The significance of the baby. How although their number of days was very short, their life changed other lives.
• The social significance of the baby. The family wants to know that other people loved the baby too. That their infant's life—although far too brief—touched people.

There is no specific organization that must be met for the service, and the only important thing is that it honors your baby in whatever way best meets the needs of you and your partner.

Selecting the Type of Service

Many parents view the service as an opportunity to acknowledge and celebrate their baby’s life and begin the healing process. Both traditional funeral services and memorial services have structure and bring the community together in support and remembrance.

Funeral Service

The biggest difference between the two is that the body is present in a casket at a funeral service. A funeral is much more structured and formal. Religion is also a big part of funeral services and is often led by a member of clergy. Guests are present to observe and reflect. Make sure you are aware of the different purposes of funeral services.

Memorial Service

Although the body may not be present, an urn with the baby's ashes may be present. A memorial service doesn't have a standardized structure and is led by a celebrant or master of ceremonies. Memorial services often allow guests to participate to some extent.

Cost of Funeral or Memorial Services

There is little difference in cost between an adult's and a child’s funeral. Depending upon the options you choose, funerals can become expensive. Some funeral planning services estimate the cost to range between $6,000-$12,000.

Aspects that can contribute to the cost include: renting a venue (church/chapel), coffin, flowers, celebrant or priest fee, cremation (if chosen). Your funeral director will be able to give you more information about help with payments.

Planning a Funeral or Memorial Service for Your Baby

Here is a list of aspects to assist you when pre-planning the funeral or memorial:

• Funeral director. This is the person who will assist you with planning, including funeral planning mistakes to avoid.
• Music. Music is often a very comforting part of a funeral and allows you to express feelings when words alone are inadequate.
• Choosing readings. A number of selections are available from inspirational readings to poetry.
• Guest list. It's important to invite those whom you deem knew the baby or played a part in their life.
• Venue. The ceremony can be held at your own place of worship or in a chapel.
• Flowers. You can choose whether or not to have flowers on or with the coffin.

Special Ideas for Honoring Your Baby

Start by asking "what reminds me most of my baby? What were his/her favorite things?". This will guide you while planning a personal and special way to remember and honor your baby during the service.

Have a Color Theme

Choose a color and ask everyone to wear it, or have dozens of balloons in that color. This could make it feel more child-like and may bring on a light-hearted feel to the ceremony.

Paper Goods

Use customized paper goods throughout the service. Some examples are a big welcome sign with your baby’s photo or footprints as people are walking in, a guest book or memory cards for guests to write down their favorite memory of your baby, or words of comfort for you and your partner to read later on.

Slideshow

Include a slideshow of photos of your baby to play during the ceremony.

Music

Include songs that your baby liked or that mean something to you.

Letters

Ask close family or friends to write letters and read them out during the service.

Establish a Memorial

This could be a physical memorial, charitable donation fund to a special cause, or memorial website or blog chronicling your journey.

Conclusion

Whatever you choose to do, your child was beautiful and is worth remembering in a meaningful way. Every life deserves honor, remembrance, and celebration, no matter how briefly they graced our world.